WWE Raw Recap: "Daddy's Home" With Less Than a Week Til Payback

Triple H makes his return just in time to discipline his puppies. Kane and Rollins bicker like children and Hunter thinks it's time to cut the crap. He puts his foot down and declares the Fatal 4-way will go on. Just to prove his "authority" Hunter announces everyone has matches tonight. Kane vs Reigns. Rollins vs Orton. Even J&J are forced to compete in a Handicap match against Dean Ambrose. 

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After last weeks phenomenal show, I didn't know what to expect this week on Raw. I definitely was not prepared for the heartbreak I endured watching Daniel Bryan relinquish the Intercontinental Championship. We all knew it was coming. Neck injuries have taken out some of our brightest stars. All I can do now is wish the boy a speedy recovery and pray that someday he makes his way back in the ring.

Let me point out that the first link that pops up when you Google Sami Zayn is the Wikipedia for El Generico. Ole, Motherfucker, Ole! Cena's open challenge has been the best part of my Monday these last couple weeks. Last week was no exception with Zayn's debut. This week Neville continues to impress me. Sunday, Cena takes on Rusev, again, in an "I QUIT" match that is sure to dissatisfy.

-Loveblump

Lesnar Destroys Ringside Staff, Sting Talks Mania, and NXT Stars Debut

Stephanie can sleep a little better at night knowing Brock won't be taking out her roster/crew anytime soon. Brock Lesnar is suspended indefinitely for going ape shit and attacking everyone he could get his hands on. After Rollins backs out of their rematch and barely escapes the ring, Brock takes out J&J Security and Michael Cole with an F5. 

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Stephanie runs to the ring to save an innocent camera man but she's too late. F5's for everyone! Meanwhile, JBL and Booker lay lifeless under a demolished announcers table. This is what wrestling should look like. 

I'm glad WWE has finally come up with a good enough storyline to explain why Brock is never around. Steph does a great job treating him like a bad puppy that won't stop pissing on the carpet. There's no doubt about Brock being a great competitor but you can tell he doesn't want any part of this. Send him back to UFC. I've called this for months. Rollins needed a devious plan to snatch the belt off The Beast and Mania was the perfect place to do it.

As for the rest of Raw, it was an OK show. Not a word about Undertaker but Sting gets to come out and talk about losing. The Diva's are finally getting some time in the ring. Neville and Kalisto debut. Shemus returns with a fucked up mohawk. And we get a chance to watch the same matches we will see repeated for the rest of the month.

-Loveblump

Raw Recap, and a Look at Wrestlemania; The Most Wonderful Time of Year!

Besides being the #1 pay-per-view, Wrestlemania is my favorite PPV for many reasons. First off, it's usually on, or very close, to my birthday! Second, it's the only time of year we get to talk about The Undertaker. Hall of Fame, celebrity guests, and for one weekend out of the year I can showcase how sincerely crazy I am about wrestling to the general public. How could you not love Wrestlemania? It is "The Grandest Stage of Them All." 

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Wrestling aside, I think WWE is trying to tell us something about weed. Brainwashing the children into thinking smoking bud is one thing. For the second week in a row, one of the biggest celebrity stoners graced our television screens. I feel like there's more behind this than coincidence. Is Vince telling us to support the legalization of weed? I sure hope so. 

My favorite part of Monday night was Stephanie and Sting. He brings something back from the good days of wrestling. Makes you wanna sit and watch the whole show. Stephanie's so good! Slapping Sting and creeping up with the sledge hammer for her man. Trips walking out to Terminator music. Definitely a great way to open the show. I am truly excited for his first match ever in a WWE ring. HISTORY IN THE MAKING! I can not wait for Sunday!

-Loveblump

Triple H breaks Flair's Hip and Another *NSFW* Photo Leaks, Matt Striker's Penis!

Just kidding, but in my opinion you could have tuned into Raw at 10:53 and not missed a thing. After the Kane/Reigns match was interrupted with more than a few "YES" chants. Roman wanted to sit ringside and cause a distraction for Little Daniel Bryan. Thinking that signing autographs and taking selfies with the crowd would rev up their feud, Roman got in the ring causing Big Show to win by disqualification. For the last few minutes Raw was on air it was an all out brawl that almost looked real(almost). Definitely the most exciting build Fast Lane has seen.

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Every once in awhile I get really lonely and need CM Punk in my life. Normally I put his name into YouTube and search for a match I haven't seen before. Last night, a particular oldie but goodie caught my attention because I've finally been introduced to Striker's skin flute. Keeping up with last week's trend of dick pics, here is Matt Striker's penis.

P.S. If Colt Cabana could release his wiener schnitzel soon I would be so greatly appreciative. If not, next week I'm writing about Chyna. 

WWE Monday Night Raw: The Announcement and Stone Cold Podcast

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Hunter and Stephanie come out to open the show with an announcement about the Wrestlemania title match. It's revealed that the winner of tonight's main event will compete for a shot at Brock. Later in the evening, Daniel Bryan pins Seth Rollins with help from Reigns. Smart move. While Bryan is a strong competitor, he plays fair. Reigns won't have to worry about The Authority interfering at FastLane. 

After Raw, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin sat down with Triple H for a long awaited interview. After they get past the boring stuff, Austin hits him with the real questions. Should Chyna go into the HOF? Hunter answers, "Does she deserve to...absolutely!" YES! If you ask me, Chyna's adult film career just makes her a bigger asset to WWE. I never got into the Divas like I did Chyna. She was a "real" wrestler, winning the "real" belts, not a pretty face and fake tits. It's sad that young girls don't have a female to look up to that can get in the ring and beat the boys. Granted, the fact that Chyna is now an escort should be kept a secret. If I ever have a daughter I'd much rather have her idolize someone like Chyna than any of the bimbos on Total Divas. 

Austin also brought up CM Punk which Hunter responds with "Never say never" and that he's not holding a grudge. HHH has nothing but nice things to say about everyone thrown at him. From DX to NXT, Michael Hayes, Lesnar and Heyman, Scott Hall, Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart, even Taker. It was a great interview. #StoneColdPodcast is trending for a reason.  

-Loveblump

Back! WWE Monday Night Raw Recap; Cena Appreciation Day!

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Last week, Daniel Bryan surprised us by revealing his Royal Rumble return! YES! YES! YES! This week we witness the return of The Authority. The first order of business was to announce Seth Rollins' chance at Brock's belt at Royal Rumble. Next, a show of gratitude, naming Monday, January 5, 2015, "John Cena Appreciation Day." If you thought this was going to end well for Team Cena, you'd be saddly mistaken. 

Not only did they feel the wrath of The Authority during their matches, each member of Team Cena was fired at the end of the night. Kane's interuption during the night's first match indicated that Ziggler is a target of The Authority's bullying. J&J Security teamed up in the refs spot to make sure Eric Rowan went down. It took 2 opponents and 2 curb stomps to take The Big Guy down. Seeing as Ryback betrayed The Authority by switching teams, I was expecting him to go through hell on Monday. Leave with a bang. 

The main event needed more blood. I know its only Raw but it was the first ever Ambulance Match. Both men flew off the top of the rig to landing on his opponent below. But that was it. The match was boring and dragged out. Bray Wyatt threw Ambrose in the back of the ambulence and the match was over. 

-Loveblump

WWE Monday Night Raw, Kansas City Recap: No Place to Run, No Place to Hide. The Cell Is No Ordinary Scenario.

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Mick Foley returns to Monday Night Raw to visit an old friend, the steel structure, and to share some advice with the ex-members of The Sheild. Apparently, everyone had something to say last night. There wasn't much wrestling happening. If you blinked, you would have missed a match or two. Not that I'm complaining. I'd rather listen to Paul Heyman than have to watch a longer, boring Diva's match. 

We were doing so well not mentioning Brock Lesnar the last couple weeks. As Hunter gives his pep talk for Hell in a Cell, he announces the winner of Cena's Orton will take on Lesnar for the World Heavy Weight Title. He also promises the PPV will be a good show. "Being in the cell changes your life. Make The Authority proud." Heyman comes out a little later to interrupt a scuffle between Superstars. Cena threatens Heyman with an Attitude Adjustment, then chickens out. Orton delivers an RKO to both men leaving them out cold. 

Raw's main event was a 3 on 2 handicap street fight which ended in the steel cage. Chairs, tables, kendo sticks, even the cage became a weapon. Orton hits Ambrose with an RKO for the win just to endure a curb stomp from his friend, Seth Rollins. 

I couldn't believe my eyes as Foley waddles down the ramp. Seeing that beard in the ring gave me goosebumps. Foley returns to Raw to educate these naive rivals!!! Rollins and Ambrose are not ready for Hell in a Cell. Somebody is going to get seriously injured! You don't win in the cage, you survive the cage. 

"The scars you will not heal from, the scars that will haunt you for a lifetime are the emotional wounds that will not heal." 

HAVE A NICE DAY!

-Loveblump

Twitter: @LoveBlump

WWE Battleground & Raw Recap; Steph's boobs, and more!

How anyone is talking about anything other than Stephanie McMahon's tits is beyond me. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. Mrs. Helmsley's cleavage, or lack of, distracted us all from how great these stories really were on last night's Raw. In my opinion, it was even better than Battleground.

Not living up to my expectations, here are Battleground results;

• Adam Rose defeated Fandango
  
• Cameron defeated Naomi
• The Usos defeated The Wyatt Family
• AJ defeated Paige 
• Rusev defeated Jack Swagger 
• Seth Rollins defeated Dean Ambrose by forfeit 
• Jericho defeated Bray Wyatt
• The Miz winning the Intercontinental Championship by last eliminating Dolph Ziggler
• John Cena winning Fatal Four Way (who didn't see Brock vs Cena at Summerslam) 

Battleground was such a waste of time I don't even want to talk about it. Raw absolutely made up for it times ten!

Once you get past Stephanie's not-so-fun-bags, you realize she may be one of the best performers on the roster. She was arrested for slapping Brie Bella after a little bit of name calling. Time away from the ring (and maybe a few acting classes) clearly paid off for this Bella twin. Nikki may have had her ass handed to her but its all for good story telling. I'm excited to see this feud. Stephanie McMahon vs Brie Bella is going to be hot! 

We've seen it coming and I'm glad they waited til Raw to turn Paige. Teaming her up with AJ just to assault her after their win was gratifying. I will never like AJ. I watched the entire beat down with a smile on my face.

Triple H is pissed off about Cena's win Sunday night and so am I. Give Kane a chance. I would kill to see the epic battle between Brock vs The Brothers of Destruction at Summerslam. Make the next pay-per-view as good as Wrestlemania. Hopefully WWE keeps with the trend and makes the weeks leading up to Summerslam more satisfying than Battleground. 

-Loveblump

Twitter:: @loveblump