WWE Monday Night Raw Recap: The GM Blows Our Cyber Monday Night Raw

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Raw opens with announcements from the new "Anonymous Raw General Manager." I would've loved to see John Cena toss that laptop across the ring but like a gentleman, he closes it softly and cuts him promo. The night takes a turn for the worst as Rollins and what's left of The Authority, send Cena through a table....but not before the rest of Team Cena gets their asses handed to them. The GM reveals that the shot at the Heavyweight Title is on the line at TLC in two weeks. If Cena's not careful, we could have a Rollins vs Brock match in a few months. 

Tag-team Turmoil looked more like a walk in the park for The Usos. After The New Day eliminated The Dust Brothers and Tyson Kidd pinned Kofi, The Usos attack Cesaro and don't even break a sweat taking out Adam Rose. The Usos have nothing to worry about in the ring. Their real problem is The Miz. Jimmy goes nuts after The Miz gets a little flirty complementing Noami's twerking in her new music video, "Dance All Night." He comes out and knocks The Miz right off his feet. I can't wait to see these two in the ring at the PPV. 

Vince was in the building to remind us about his Stone Cold interview on the WWE Network. They try to convince us Big Show is a bully. Fandango vs Swagger turns into Swagger vs Rusev. Ambrose kills Bray Wyatt's rocking chair. Paul Heyman compares Brock Lesnar to Christmas and the 6 man main event let Team Babyface get even for the beat down in the beginning of the show. 

If you weren't paying attention, you would have missed my favorite part of Raw. Saint Mick debuts with Noelle Foley. I try really hard to not to be a pervert so I won't throw in a Mr. Socko joke but Mankind's daughter is smoking hot! Follow her on twitter @NoelleFoley.

Next week Seth Green hosts the Slammys in Greenville, South Carolina. If you have the WWE app, don't forget to vote! 

-Loveblump

Contract Signing and Grumpy Cat; Monday Night Raw Recap

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Heading into Survivor Series, "Team Cena" has The Authority on their toes. The fate of WWE lies in their hands after all. Stephanie tries every trick in the book to change Ryback's mind. He declares he is only playing for one team and that's Team Ryback. Threats of deportation couldn't sway Shemus. Bribes of Hall of Fame induction did nothing to persuade Big Show to switch teams. Ziggler comes out looking better than ever for his match against Luke Harper. The match doesn't even start before it's interfered by The Goons. Rollins has a lot to say on commentary. Harper defeats Ziggler by pin fall for the Intercontinental Championship. Mark Henry took Shemus out with a World's Strongest Slam. Big Show and Ziggler are both injured. The Authority wants to wear out Team Cena so there is nothing left of them. There's very little Cena can do but pray to take The Authority out of power. 

A confrontation between Ambrose and Wyatt gave us a taste of what we're in for Sunday night. Despite what Bray has to say about The Lunatic, he does not need saving. Dean Ambrose, "the most dangerous man in the world," because he can't love? Give me a break. He's dangerous because he's smart. I don't know which one of us is more excited that he finally gets his hands on Wyatt. 

As I predicted, Grumpy Cat was the best part of Raw. By far the best celebrity guest this year (besides Foley). Miz was great. That kiss good-bye made my heart skip a beat. Even Erick Rowan wants the cat! She is too cute. Next week Larry the Cable Guy graces our television screens with his presence. Why aren't the guests wrestling anymore? When Snooki came on she looked great in the ring. Bring her back! These celebrities are getting away with doing nothing and it sucks for the fans. 

Hunter makes a very valid point during the contract signing. The future of his family depends on this company. They have more to lose than anyone else. They are going to make sure they win this match. Cena searches the crowd for a new team. He promises the King and Queen will watch their team fall. Team Cena gets a few new members Erick Rowan, Cesaro, and Ryback and sends Hunter through a table to close the show.

-Loveblump

Know your role! The Rock returns. Monday Night Raw Recap

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John Cena and my favorite lunatic, Dean Ambrose, were supposed to have a 3 on 2 handicap match as the main event this evening. Ambrose deciding he'd rather go grab a hot dog at Nathan's. Good choice. Cena is so obsessed with Rollins, let him take care of that. 

I can't believe they made Big Show apologize on Smackdown. With all the disrespectful things Lana gets away with saying about America, you'd think that Soviet streetwalker would get sent to "sensitivity training." This really irks me. Rusev isn't even Russian! 

A lot of things bothered me about Raw tonight. Who let Tyson Kidd back in the ring? He's lucky he's married to a Hart. I don't even want to get into the Kathy Lee and Hoda bit. WWE heard us all bitching about that and sent us THE ROCK! After a little flirting with Lana, The Rock interrupts Rusev to send him to the Smackdown Hotel. 

I'll be dreaming of a mustard covered Orton tonight. Thank you, Ambrose. A boring 3 on 1 beat down turned into my greatest fantasy. Condiment covered beef cakes. Hunter announces Cena vs Ambrose, winner takes on Rollins inside the steel structure at Hell in the Cell. Can't wait! 

-Loveblump