WWE Raw Recap: "Daddy's Home" With Less Than a Week Til Payback

Triple H makes his return just in time to discipline his puppies. Kane and Rollins bicker like children and Hunter thinks it's time to cut the crap. He puts his foot down and declares the Fatal 4-way will go on. Just to prove his "authority" Hunter announces everyone has matches tonight. Kane vs Reigns. Rollins vs Orton. Even J&J are forced to compete in a Handicap match against Dean Ambrose. 

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After last weeks phenomenal show, I didn't know what to expect this week on Raw. I definitely was not prepared for the heartbreak I endured watching Daniel Bryan relinquish the Intercontinental Championship. We all knew it was coming. Neck injuries have taken out some of our brightest stars. All I can do now is wish the boy a speedy recovery and pray that someday he makes his way back in the ring.

Let me point out that the first link that pops up when you Google Sami Zayn is the Wikipedia for El Generico. Ole, Motherfucker, Ole! Cena's open challenge has been the best part of my Monday these last couple weeks. Last week was no exception with Zayn's debut. This week Neville continues to impress me. Sunday, Cena takes on Rusev, again, in an "I QUIT" match that is sure to dissatisfy.

-Loveblump

Extreme Rules' a Bust and Raw Recap

I bought the WWE Network last month so I could watch Wrestlemania on my birthday. It has been nothing but a pain in my ass since. Mania loaded with a few glitches, I got over it. After that, nothing loads. EVER. Not just during the Pay-per-views, I can't even get NXT to load as I'm typing this. Whether I'm on my computer or TV, I haven't gotten more then five minutes of anything to play. This leads me to Sunday night, while trying desperately to get Extreme Rules to play on any screen in my house. I'm almost glad it didn't work. 

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Extreme? More like Mild Rules. The Street Fight and Cage Match both disappointed. Which is kinda sad. There's a lot of talent going to waste there. The Russian Chain match was a ho-hum tug-of-war between the biggest star in WWE and some guy we'll forget about in 2 minutes. I can't believe I'm saying this but the Diva's match and Last Man Standing were my two favorite matches of the night. I've protested Reigns' rise to super-stardom since day one but last night changed everything. 

Neville made his PPV debut replacing Daniel Bryan. I can't believe this is happening again. Reports say Bryan is pulled from any and all upcoming events he had previously been advertised for. There's no comment from WWE about his return. Say it ain't so. I don't want him going out like this. The Daniel Bryan brand will become stale after a few more months out and we'll forget about him eventually. He's too good to let this happen. I'm praying for a miracle. 

Raw is a joke. I don't know how they get away with giving us the same show for six months straight and you people just eat it up. The same people, fighting for the same titles, trying to keep your attention for longer than a 7 minute match. Well it's not working anymore. The only positive thing I have to say about Monday night was Damion Sandow and his promo about killing off Mizdow. It was really cute. I hope WWE has big plans for him. 

-Loveblump

Monday Night Raw Recap; Plus Curb Stomp Banned? Extreme Rules will SUCK!

Extreme Rules is happening this weekend from Chicago! After 2 weeks of terrible Raws, WWE will turn over an even worse PPV. Randy Orton promised to RKO the entire roster including "the undistruped future" since his finisher is banned on Sunday. Also, Ryback attacked a giant hot dog. That's all that happened this week. 

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Raw was a total disappointment and to top it off Daniel Bryan is still out. "Bryan is undergoing diagnostic testing to see if he can defend his title at Extreme Rules." I wish he would stop pretending to be a 60 year old yoga instructor and remember that hes a professional wrestler. Herbs and magic will not cure your injuries. I hope this isn't a repeat if last year. 

Rumors of The Curb Stomp being banned surfaced when Rollins used a new finisher on Ziggler Monday Night. Why is there a russian chain match when WWE doesnt allow choking? Is Rusev gunna go all 50 shades and whip Cena?! The WWE has not addressed the issue and no one knows for sure if stomping a man's face into the mat is actually banned completely. I say we keep the Curb Stomp and have Orton bring back the Punt. 

-Loveblump

Happy Birthday WWE Network! Fast Lane, Raw, and Chyna "Twerkin'"

This week marks the first birthday of the WWE network and the true start of the road to Wrestlemania 31. Raw opens with Randy Orton on the mic trying to explain how The Authority kept him out of action for the last four months. He should of explained why he was hanging out backstage Sunday night in his gear. While Fast Lane may not have delivered, Raw, and the announcement of free streaming of the network for 24 hours, definitely made up for it. 

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After a little bit of sweet talk from Boss Lady, Orton returns to The Authority for the main event tag match. It appears that Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns became BFFs after Fast Lane and it definitely showed in the ring Monday night. Orton and Rollins storm off with their tails between their legs. That match was the highlight of my night.

Last week TMZ reported on the terrible twerking video Chyna posted to her social media sites. From what I understand, Chyna admits to falling off the sober wagon tweeting from @ChynaJoanLaurer on February 24th. "Hi everyone. I have been kept denying the fact that I have been an alcohhol...This has been very hard... I am."  This seems to be a contributing factor to all the non-sense going on at her YouTube, Toyko Chyna. If you haven't heard, Chyna has been working in the adult entertainment industry since leaving WWE in 2001. Posing nude for Playboy, starring in 6 adult films, collecting 2 AVN awards, and working for the LA Porn Star Escort Service has been her claim to fame for the last 10 years. She has since retired and resides in Japan teaching private English classes. 

In all honesty, Chyna Doll looks like any other silly drunk girl dancing around her room in her underwear. She's just trying to live her life. Maybe she wasn't even drinking and that's just her charismatic personality. I do believe she's trying her hardest to live a normal life free of addiction. I think if these last few articles have taught me anything, it's that professional wrestlers are normal people that like to get fucked up and take pictures of their dicks. 

-Loveblump

Triple H breaks Flair's Hip and Another *NSFW* Photo Leaks, Matt Striker's Penis!

Just kidding, but in my opinion you could have tuned into Raw at 10:53 and not missed a thing. After the Kane/Reigns match was interrupted with more than a few "YES" chants. Roman wanted to sit ringside and cause a distraction for Little Daniel Bryan. Thinking that signing autographs and taking selfies with the crowd would rev up their feud, Roman got in the ring causing Big Show to win by disqualification. For the last few minutes Raw was on air it was an all out brawl that almost looked real(almost). Definitely the most exciting build Fast Lane has seen.

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Every once in awhile I get really lonely and need CM Punk in my life. Normally I put his name into YouTube and search for a match I haven't seen before. Last night, a particular oldie but goodie caught my attention because I've finally been introduced to Striker's skin flute. Keeping up with last week's trend of dick pics, here is Matt Striker's penis.

P.S. If Colt Cabana could release his wiener schnitzel soon I would be so greatly appreciative. If not, next week I'm writing about Chyna. 

WWE Monday Night Raw: The Announcement and Stone Cold Podcast

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Hunter and Stephanie come out to open the show with an announcement about the Wrestlemania title match. It's revealed that the winner of tonight's main event will compete for a shot at Brock. Later in the evening, Daniel Bryan pins Seth Rollins with help from Reigns. Smart move. While Bryan is a strong competitor, he plays fair. Reigns won't have to worry about The Authority interfering at FastLane. 

After Raw, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin sat down with Triple H for a long awaited interview. After they get past the boring stuff, Austin hits him with the real questions. Should Chyna go into the HOF? Hunter answers, "Does she deserve to...absolutely!" YES! If you ask me, Chyna's adult film career just makes her a bigger asset to WWE. I never got into the Divas like I did Chyna. She was a "real" wrestler, winning the "real" belts, not a pretty face and fake tits. It's sad that young girls don't have a female to look up to that can get in the ring and beat the boys. Granted, the fact that Chyna is now an escort should be kept a secret. If I ever have a daughter I'd much rather have her idolize someone like Chyna than any of the bimbos on Total Divas. 

Austin also brought up CM Punk which Hunter responds with "Never say never" and that he's not holding a grudge. HHH has nothing but nice things to say about everyone thrown at him. From DX to NXT, Michael Hayes, Lesnar and Heyman, Scott Hall, Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart, even Taker. It was a great interview. #StoneColdPodcast is trending for a reason.  

-Loveblump

Back! WWE Monday Night Raw Recap; Cena Appreciation Day!

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Last week, Daniel Bryan surprised us by revealing his Royal Rumble return! YES! YES! YES! This week we witness the return of The Authority. The first order of business was to announce Seth Rollins' chance at Brock's belt at Royal Rumble. Next, a show of gratitude, naming Monday, January 5, 2015, "John Cena Appreciation Day." If you thought this was going to end well for Team Cena, you'd be saddly mistaken. 

Not only did they feel the wrath of The Authority during their matches, each member of Team Cena was fired at the end of the night. Kane's interuption during the night's first match indicated that Ziggler is a target of The Authority's bullying. J&J Security teamed up in the refs spot to make sure Eric Rowan went down. It took 2 opponents and 2 curb stomps to take The Big Guy down. Seeing as Ryback betrayed The Authority by switching teams, I was expecting him to go through hell on Monday. Leave with a bang. 

The main event needed more blood. I know its only Raw but it was the first ever Ambulance Match. Both men flew off the top of the rig to landing on his opponent below. But that was it. The match was boring and dragged out. Bray Wyatt threw Ambrose in the back of the ambulence and the match was over. 

-Loveblump